...And the seraphim and cherubim and four hundred angels took the Blessed One to the north where there was a great fiery cloud, and in this fiery cloud there were fiery places to lie down. In these places were a great many men and women. And the Holy Virgin, weeping, asked who these men and women were and what were their sins. And the archangel [Michael] replied: "Lady, those are the ones who, during holy weeks, did not get up to attend the Paschal Midnight Service, but lay in bed lazily as if dead. Therefore, they are tormented in this place." And the Holy Virgin asked, "And those who were not able to get up, are they also condemned as sinners?" And Michael answered, "Holy Lady, only those who cannot get up even when their house be in flame on all four sides do not sin when they do not go to church."
- The Decent of the Virgin into Hell, or The Visitation of the Torments by the Mother of God, from a twelfth century Russian manuscript.
So, this is what happens to you if you skip church. Consider yourself warned, ye heathen.
On the other hand, if you're a overly curious monkey like me, you might have some questions. I can understand that the Theotokos needs retainers, she's not called "Our Lady" without cause. But why 400, exactly? Why are the angels numbered but the seraphs and cherubs aren't?
And I don't mean to be sacreligious, but this region of Hell appears to be part of Heaven but in flames. Lots of clouds, places to lay down, and you can paint in the harps and halos yourself - then overlay some flames and attach an orange filter...
Moreover, doesn't the Blessed One come off as a ditz? She keeps asking asinine questions. We can forgive Dante for asking all these questions, but do notice whose vacation to Hades was accompanied by the hosts of Heaven and who puttered along with Virgil. Mary is, after all, the one who raised the God-Man, was raised in the Temple, and who's been chillin' in a fully assumed body at the foot of the Heavenly Throne for the past near 2000 years. I think she knows pretty darn well what's goes down in Hell. She might vacation there occasionally (out of piety or some earth-bound dolt's literary pretentions), but while there she don't ask no silly questions. I don't know, maybe in the Celestial Realm Hell is like the slums and she's doing charity work. (Yeah, I know, Abraham in the parable wasn't allowed to, but I've a suspicion that the Virgin outranks him.)
Interesting, too, that all these people who keep checking into the Hades Hilton don't ever meet Christ or anyone who's heard of him. He spent the night there once, remember? Beats me what all he did there, but I gather it was rather conspicuous. Even if you didn't leave with him, if you're a hellion you'd remember him. For the story to be believable, the Mother of God needs to come off as a mother - what do mother's do but gossip about or seek gossip about their children? Especially mothers of famous people.
Conclusion: Them Ruskies wrote weird stuff out of piety. Or vodka.